2014, A Year of Beautiful Dreams and Hurtful Sadness...

“The unthinkable has happened and to survive will require previously unthinkable acts”. I don’t know how to describe this year without getting hurt. It was a good year if I were to compile all my reached dreams, achievements, and goals. It was truly a great year in terms of that. In fact, it was so great I could say that 2014 is one of my best years! But then, 3 months ago, we lost an angel because the Lord misses him so much. I know that God has a reason but we have no idea right now what it is and it hurts us so bad. 19 years is so short. I miss my cousin so much. And so the remaining months of this year was so full of hurtful sadness which was is hidden in my smiles.

They say that the most cheerful people are the saddest. I guess that’s true. We just try to hide the sadness and accept whatever life throws at us, no matter how painful they are. We try to see the goodness in those pains to have reasons to live. Perhaps these pains truly make us strong.

Twenty-fourteen for me is a year full of beautiful dreams and hurtful sadness.

JANUARY. New Year with my family & relatives (who knew that that would be the last new year we’d spend with jejay?) // Sto. Nino (who knew that that would be the last Sto. Nino we’d spend with jejay?)

FEBRUARY. My partner, Harley, and I won 1st runner-up in Ola Bayle 8 Two-Dance Standard (Waltz & Tango) Category despite the short period of practice we had (just one week!) // Late night dance practices (I miss this so much) // Danced ballet again for a YFC event after so many months of being on hiatus. Lol.

MARCH. I was called by God. I was tapped to be YFC-UST CFAD’s (now Beato <fine arts + architecture>) Senior Sister. // Worldbex & Obra Maestra // Ate Jem’s celebration because she passed the bar exam! (Who knew that that would be the last time I would bond and exchange stories with my cousin jejay? And why was I so sleepy that night? Stupid plates. I shouldn’t have slept for the rest of the night. I should have just stayed awake and spent more time with my cousin). // my blog's ".net" domain was born. // Found out what I really want to do for the rest of my life.

APRIL. Receiving hand-written letters in the mail. // Summer Classes + Thesis Preparation

MAY. I danced ballet for Michael Christian Martinez! Who would have thought that I would be able to dance for another famous personality after my David experience?! // Wilcon Trip // Went to AFP Theater inside Camp Aguinaldo to get blue prints for my thesis. I reminisced a lot here ---my backstage memories and ballet performances. // STARLIGHT: Taylor Swift's Grand Fans Day // Learned life lessons from not dancing ballet

JULY. My birthday month. I turned 21. // Michael Christian Martinez remembers me!!! Went to a triple celebration with him.

AUGUST. I was able to showcase my talent in dancing ballet with my “new” blockmates during buwan ng wika celebration in our Filipino Class. Since that day, my professor calls me “Ms. Ballerina”, etc. // My Merida Make-up Transformation // YFC-UST's General Assembly // Family Dinner at Banzai (Who knew that that would be the last family dinner we'd have with jejay?! we'll never ever be complete again) // My 1st ever job interview without even applying for a job. haha!

SEPTEMBER. Jejay's (my cousin) death. It was a very difficult time.

OCTOBER. UST Blogcon! I learned a lot here despite the fact that I had class that day. I finally met “Ate” Reese Lansangan! I ate lunch with “Ate” Kisty and I kinda toured her around UST. // I passed my thesis' first endorsement (plates/ plans/ drawings) // My cousin's 40 days

NOVEMBER. 2nd thesis endorsement passed (book endorsement) // I PASSED MY THESIS! // I was finally introduced to my partner in service! I FINALLY HAVE A PARTNER! I crei. // First ever YFC-UST Household // Attended a debut party with my YFC Council family :) // Mockingjay Date with my brother

DECEMBER. An awesome month for my blog. So many sponsors contacted me! Thank you blog sponsors! I was able to buy a fujifilm instax mini 8 with my own hard-earned money! // YFC-UST Council 2014-2015 Tuning. // Went to Iligan City in Mindanao (my grandma’s hometown!) after so many years. Went to Maria Cristina Falls and Divine Mercy then swam at Taytay. //  Sunrise on top of the sky <3 // I rode an airplane. After so many years, I finally flew again. Hehe. I love the feeling of being on top of the world, literally. // Christmas was different. It was just like any other ordinary day. // David Archuleta's 24th birthday celebration // Sleepover with the Team Pinoy Archies // Tagaytay Road Trip

This year, I turned down so many blog invites, turned down so many events, and so many social activities so I could concentrate on my thesis. It was all worth-it though I sometimes wish I had more time and 2 or more bodies so I could do everything. But now, I only have one more semester to go until I graduate, live my dream, and formally go back to dancing ballet!

I'm wishing for a much better New Year.
How was your year? Thank you all so much for everything! --- for continuously reading my blog and for the sweet words you guys always say to me. I really do appreciate. :) Happy New Year everyone! May God bless us all~


Rae Abigael J. Caacbay is a young creative who went through a quarter life crisis by the end of 2016. Though she's still lost, she keeps on moving forward anyway as a ballerina, visual artist, lifestyle blogger, and a BS Interior Design graduate based in the Philippines.


  1. Rae...I truly hope and pray for a wonderful year for you in 2015...The losses we have to deal with in life are sometimes unbearable, I know these feelings. I will pray that you can deal with those life changing trials that are so painful. I wish you joy and happiness ♡♡♡

    1. awww. you are so sweet Launna. Thank you so much for your encouraging words. I really do appreciate. Moving on or recovering will be hard, especially for my cousin's immediate family and I just keep on praying that everything will be okay sooner or later. We just have to be with each other. Anyway, thanks also for the prayers. Happy New Year and I wish you joy and happiness too. God bless!~

  2. My year was also a mix of sadness and happiness so I understand...

    I'm so sorry for your loss...I lost several family members myself this year and even if they were elderly I miss them so much and I still very sad because of it...but if we keep them in our hearths, those gone can still be with us...as one song I like says...if you love me my dear, this (death) is not the last stop, only love is the link between two worlds.

    lovely photos<3

    Happy New Year, I wish you all the best sweetie!


    1. awwww. you're the sweetest Ivana! Thank you for this comment. I really do appreciate your words. I will always keep this in my mind and heart. Well, we do no really control our life/time and it's just so sad that I only had 19 years to spend with my cousin. Everything will be different from now on and it will take a while before everyone in our family finally accepts that he's gone physically. We just miss him so much. But the memories and the love he had showed us will forever be in our hearts. Let's never forget our loved ones who had left us too soon. Thanks again Ivana and I wish you all the best this 2015. Continue sharing your art to the world! Happy New Year and God bless! :)

  3. suhch fun times huhh
    u look so much like the Disney princess
    Keep n touch

    1. hehe. people now-a-days call me merida! lol. happy new year pooja!~

  4. Beautiful pictures! Happy New Year!

  5. Happy New Year dear!

  6. I'm so sorry about your cousin and send all my love to you and your family!


  7. Your recap of year 2014 is beautiful, inspiring and poignant. My sincere condolences for the loss of your 19 year old cousin Jejay. Best of luck with your last semester and following that with your return to the ballet you love so much. I'm amazed that you managed to blog as much as you did in between concentrating on your thesis and everything else. You had quite a year! Congratulations on your accomplishments. I wish you the best of luck and happiness in year 2015.


    1. I'm also amazed with how I was able to manage everything in spite of my busyness! hehe. Thank you so much! I wish you all the best this new year and I wish you the best of luck and happiness also. Happy New Year! I always appreciate your comments by the way. :D

  8. I had a similarly strange year of achieving all my goals and ambitions and then losing somebody very close to me at far too young an age, so I was nodding along with your first paragraph. Sending you all my thoughts as we move into the new year and well done on your many achievements and accomplishments this year. XXXX

    1. we share mutual feelings with everything that has happened in 2014. I wish that everything will work out fine and may we find the strength and heart to accept. thank you dear and I hope that 2015 for us will be so much better. God bless and Happy New Year. :)

  9. I'm sorry to hear about a loss in your family. I'm sure your cousin will be missed. Yes, you're right about God's work. Sometimes we shouldn't try to figure it all out. In times when we are puzzled, we just need to learn to trust Him that He knows what He is doing and His plans are always the best.
    I'm also glad to hear that 2014 has been a successful year in terms of your achievement. I'm wishing you a happy new year and may 2015 be a happy year for you =)

    1. Thank you very much! I'm glad to hear your thoughts about God's plan. Losing my cousin is very painful but we just have to trust God. I am actually grateful that God has lent my cousin to our family. We were blessed to have him in our lives. Thanks again and Happy New Year! May you have a great & prosperous year. =)

  10. oh it's so sad you lost your cousin , but I wish you all the best in 2015 .. happy new year dear
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