Two of the things I love about acquiring a new pair of pointe shoes is the sewing of pointe shoes and breaking it in. I love how so much effort and love is being put in my most expensive pair of shoes ever.

When I acquired my first pair of pointe shoes, my mom did all the sewing. Actually, my mom also sew my 2nd pair of pointes. But now that I am old enough to know how to sew my own pointes, I decided to make this step by step guide on how to sew pointe shoes.

It was in the year 2012 when I declared that my pointe shoes was dying. She was in a critical condition and was almost dead. 3 years after, I finally freakin' bought a new pair of pointe shoes! WOOOHOOOOOO!!! I was the happiest kid that day and I can't hide my feelings even up to this day!

I loved her very much. I mean, she was a very precious pair as I used her for so many memorable and special performances of my life namely, for David Archuleta, for Michael Christian Martinez, for the Trishie Couture Fashion Show Grand Launch, for my Ballet Manila Audition, and so much more. Even though she was dying, she never failed to support my feet. That's why I was a bit confident that Bloch maybe is my trusted brand. :) But I bought a local brand.

So here's the story. 2 days before my grandmother's 80th birthday, I bought a new pair of pointe shoes. I wanted to have a new pair for my dance. Posted an update on my instagram here. My mom saw ballet essentials at Yvonnes inside SM Dept. Store at SM Mall of Asia. And she texted me. haha. I intended to buy a new pair 3 days before but unfortunately, the branch where I went to no longer offer pointe shoes. Mommy saw the ballet flats on display. She thought it was pointes. So I went to MOA, met her there, then we went to the shop together. But they told us to go to their main branch at SM North Edsa. I ended up buying a convertible tights instead that day.

You know that feeling of being so excited for one thing then it crashes you hard because it didn't happen? I felt that way that day.

The next day, I went to Yvonnes' main branch at SM North Edsa with my friend, and FINALLY! I got hold of a new pair of pointe shoes! huhu. I'm so happy. :-) However, I was planning to buy Bloch, or even try Grishko and Capezio brands. But to my surprise, the shop doesn't offer other brands other than their brand. I thought all ballet shops offer all kinds of brands like That's 'D Pointe Dance Shop. But I was wrong. sorry. hehe. Anyway, the sales ladies were so nice! I love the service. However, if it's your first time on pointes, I don't recommend them. They don't do pointe shoe fitting (based on my experience). But if you already know your size like me, then Yvonnes pointe shoes is a brand to try out.

I bought my pair of size 24 1/2 for Php 1,999.75 only! Cheaper than most international brands which range from Php 3000-5000 or up. I can't tell if the brand is okay or what as this is my first time using them. But I will do a review sooner or later.

Since the pointe shoes is really cheap, I have extra money from my budget. I ended up buying a black leotard for only Php 379.75. Local brands are the best! :)

"I suppose I’ve reached a level of indifference because I detach my whole being to the many associations of the word. I am simply a person who likes what she likes and goes after them at any given time."

It took me 5 months to finally sit down and write about my realizations after auditioning for Ballet Manila. I certainly got pre-occupied with my first ever design project, my very last school semester, and graduation! So I guess those things took me away from the keyboard to babble out and really document my thoughts. But even so, I was able to realize what's next for me after that audition.

And here is part 2 of the blog post series of my "epic" Ballet Manila audition! So after talking about what was going on inside my head, I now present to you a more visual entry --- a photo diary of my ballet manila audition!

*heavy load of photos under the cut.

I'm back in dancing ballet! ---well, not technically in the "formal training" as I've been dying to go back into ever since I entered college and took up Interior Design (this, perhaps, you may all know by now as I keep talking about it) but it was last March since I last danced in my University (UST) and it was last May since my real "last dance" in front of Michael Christian Martinez, the first ever Filipino Winter Olympic Figure Skater! So in short, it has been quite a while (many months ago) and it's been so long since I last danced. To add to the timeline, it has been 4 long years since I last danced ballet on the stage of my high school alma mater's auditorium during buwan ng wika. Amazingly, though stressful, we had this project in Filipino and I was asked to dance ballet for our program.

"This is the story of a ballerina who practices ballet instead of practicing ballroom two nights (i think) before the Ola Bayle dance competition."

Being back in the mirrored room with music filling in inside the whole room, I just can't help but put on my pointes and walk & dance on my toes. I seriously miss it. I am, in fact, making this an inspiration for me to be able to go back to ballet after passing my thesis. *fingers crossed*.

An obligatory "selfie" of my [beautiful  precious  wonderful pointed] feet.

I can vividly remember that glorious moment when I first had my pointe class. And according to my ballet teacher, my feet don't wobble unlike the other first-timers on pointes. I was beyond happy because I felt as if that it was a sign that I am good. really good. and I have great potential.

I WAS AM A BUNHEAD. My world was pretty much centered around ballet. I go to ballet class twice a week, every after class, ever since I was 4 years old. I dance whenever I am given the opportunity --- family events, school activities, intermissions, opening prayers, and recitals and shows. I've also been recognized and awarded. I was even given a scholarship by Ms. Vella C. Damian herself. I was seriously on fire as a ballerina (e.g. My blog title: Raellarina - The Ballerina on Fire) and I guess that I was on the peak of really, really making it out there when everything just died and crushed. It wasn't really a choice. I didn't quit. I mean, if I was given a choice, I would really, really rather be a ballerina than what I am about to become in a few years.

I was seriously depressed in the first half of the year when I stopped taking ballet lessons and I was literally crying every night, and whenever I remember my ballet days. But perhaps, there is really more to life than just dancing ballet.

Four years has passed since I stopped taking ballet lessons and I must say, it was painful, depressing, and seriously difficult. And during this years, I have come to conclude these life lessons I learned from not dancing ballet:

NOTE: This article is not written by me, rather, I just saw this at The Ballet blog and I think that this is worth-sharing especially because I really do need to get my legs higher with a développé. Seriously, Michael  Christian Martinez inspires me to really dance again. :">

It's really difficult to give-up that one thing which makes you truly happy especially when you know that you have what it takes to be the best in the world. :(

It has been 4 years now but the pain is still very fresh and vulnerable. The emotional stress and depression I feel from not being able to dance on my toes, and not being able to wear my leotards and tights while inside the mirrored room where I can only hear the magnificent and wonderful world of ballet through classical music and Ms. Damian's voice correcting my poorly executed steps, are still haunting me every single day ever since I stopped taking formal lessons. It's really hard because this feeling never really stopped.

The people around me never really knew how depressed I am but truth be told, every time I see little kids with their hair tied up in a bun and in leotards and tights while walking home with their mommies, my heart is being stabbed. The same feeling I get every time I see ballet movies, ballet documentaries, ballet stores, and other ballet images. But it seemed like the pain is still not enough for I like to torture myself. I watch a lot of ballet movies and documentaries, I read ballet blogs, I paint ballerinas, and what's even worst, I use ballet in my design projects whether as a theme or motif, or as an establishment I will design. Remember That's D' Pointe Dance shop? Well, it just hurts me a lot but believe it or not, I just can't let go of this one dream which seems very impossible to achieve now. :(

Hello dreamers! 

Here's a video of my on-the-spot-and-I-am-in-cramps-by-the-middle-of-this-dance video. :) Totally unprepared as I did not practice for this but I seriously had fun! All for the glory of God. :D If you're interested (and curious), please do watch the video! :)))

After a year, I was finally able to do what I truly love from the beginning of my existence ---- BALLET DANCING. :))) Honestly, ever since I studied again this school year, I stopped dancing. Time did not permit me to do so but surprisingly, for the last two weeks of February, the world allowed me to forget about everything and just dance like there's no tomorrow.~

Actually, I was asked to do the doxology for the Talents' Night of YFC-UST but I had to say no because that day was my only rest day since I just came home from our retreat and I went to Ola Bayle practice right away. Sadly, I had to say no because my body is saying no although my heart is screaming YES! So when I was asked to do the doxo for this event, I accepted na since I'll be in UST the whole day naman for Ola Bayle practice. So in short, this day became special because I did nothing except to dance. Oh how I wish my everyday can be like this.~

From noon to early evening, I was at the dance studio with my partner, Harley, for Waltz and Tango. Then at around 5pm, I went at the AMV Multi-purpose Hall for Ballet. :) Truth be told, I brought a dress to change in but after seeing the venue, I changed my mind and danced with my practice clothes instead. harhar.

I had fun at the YFC-UST Stratagem. Met new friends, as usual. haha :)))